I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
