she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
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I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
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Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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