We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I lost the right to judge tonight
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
