How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just gargled with NyQuil
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
