This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
