Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
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When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
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Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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