If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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