nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Farmville is her only friend.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
