I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
