She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
