thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Dear god my vagina.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
