The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
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if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
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Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
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