My first STD was from a foam party
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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