p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
