Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
