Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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