Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
