And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
