I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
