Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
