Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
