Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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