Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
