fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
