I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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