How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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