Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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