Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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