$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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