good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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