i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
