??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
