your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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