ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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