Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
