All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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