I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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