i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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