CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
