You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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