What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
