I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
