So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
