I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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