In the future we'll all be gay
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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