Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
