Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
