Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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