hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
