I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
