You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
