dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
