had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
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Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
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I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
He has the fingertips of a God
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