feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
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My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
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I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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