I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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