I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
