I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
