my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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