I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
