im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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