Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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