Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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