how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
