Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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