Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
