There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Alive.
So much puke
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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