I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
