i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
