Old men and throwing up are my life now.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
