Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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