I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
