yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
