So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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